911 - My Forty-First Birthday

(Notes to a Poem I Will Not Write)

By EILEEN TABIOS
September 2001

Does the moonlight shine over Paris

After the sun goes down

If the London Bridge is falling

Will anybody hear a sound

*****

Ishle to Ertabios@aol.com: what the f_ck is going on?!? I just saw the second world trade center collapsewhat the f_ck what what what. Please pray for everyone. I love you

Ertabios@aol.com to Ishle: I love you baby. Take care

*****

I say I've been working late, working overtime

Haven't seen the sun since eighty-nine

*****

Perla@newfilipina.com to newfilipina-owner@hayoogroups.com: In these times of terrorist attacks that are meant to place fear in the hearts of people in the U.S. and all over the world, please include this mantra in your thoughts and prayers throughout the day:

May the power of Creation and Love reign over the power of destruction and fear

*****

Amy to Ertabios@aol.com: We need all the prayers and the beauty of poetry to offset the terrible thing that happened today

*****

Stephanie to Ertabios@aol.com: We're going to be getting body counts and counts of injured people. A lot of resources will be needed to help the unfortunate victims, including blood. Please find a way to go to a hospital, a blood bank, or an infirmary and donate blood.

*****

Does the moonlight shine

*****

Leslie to Ertabios@aol.com: my husband works across the street from the towers, but thank god he is okay for now

Ertabios@aol.com to Leslie: Steel that spine, Pinay.

*****

Andrea to Ertabios@aol.com: I saw much of the event from my own apartment window in Brooklyn. There are no words to express it

*****

Lara to Ertabios@aol.com: Im okay and I talked to Eric

Ertabios@aol.com to Lara: GOOD. Love you.

*****

Jean to flips@uni.edu: I'm beginning to hear the rhetoric of war, and the angry and hate-filled words. I hope that everyone can stay strong and centered in our humanity

*****

Barbara to ertabios@aol.com: Hi Eileen, Happy Birthday. Despite the somber and emotional, dark and conflicted feelings, its still a beautiful day -- in its own strange way. I hope you are doing well

*****

If the London Bridge is falling

Will anybody hear a sound

If you follow the sunset will it ever end

Does the moonlight shine on Paris

*****

Marilyn to ertabios@aol.com: Eirene evacuated when the first Tower was hit by the plane. She ran with everyone to the South Street Seaport away from the WTC. Her building was the first one to collapse. Thank god she left right away

*****

Bert to ertabios@aol.com: we tried to keep the (2) tel. Lines open so that our 2 daughters in manhattan could call us

*****

Katie to ertabios@aol.com: we saw the second plane. It was a United Airlines jet and we were very close, I could read the lettering on the plane. It was flying low, and I swear to you; as it banked, it accelerated into the building.

*****

Katie to ertabios@aol.com: We will never be the same in NYC

*****

G. to her cousin, forwarded to ertabios@aol.com: The September sun was glorious

*****

G. to her cousin, forwarded to ertabios@aol.com: Watched it on CNN just like you all did. (The revolution will be televised)

*****

I say I've been working late, working overtime

Haven't seen the sun since eighty-nine

Does the moonlight shine over Paris

*****

G. to her brothers, forwarded to ertabios@aol.com: Make sure you call Mom and Dad and let them know you are okay. (and me too.)

*****

Stefanie to ertabios@aol.com: With the tragic events in New York and Washington D.C., our impulse as a nation and indeed as humans may be for revenge. Though an immediate response to the experience of violence, revenge does not help to heal wounds but instead amplifies them. // Though we do not condone terrorism as a rational agent for change, the evidence is abundant that the suffering we inflict on others in the name of economic and political security inevitably comes full circle. Instead of escalating world wide violence, we wish our response would be: "OK, we get the idea. This morning was a wake-up call. We need to change how we interact with the world and the Earth." // We hope you'll forward this message in one form or another to as many people as you can.

*****

National Day of Prayer Task Force, forwarded to ertabios@aol.com: Father, once again we are reminded that any security we have as individuals and as a nation comes only from the abiding hope and trust we have in You. Once again, we are cut to the heart at the loss of life and damage to peace that we have suffered as a nation. // "Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you." (2 Thessalonians 3:16)

*****

Max to ertabios@aol.com: Body trauma has set in, dull mind, wounded spirit, too much pain. Too many souls buried alive

*****

Associated Press wire, Sept. 11, 10:40 EDT to ertabios@aol.com: In a horrific sequence of destruction, terrorists crashed two planes into the World Trade Center and the twin 110-story towers collapsed Tuesday morning.Authorities had been trying to evacuate the 50,000 people who work in the twin towers, but many were thought to be trapped.President Bush ordered a full-scale investigation to "hunt down the folks who committed this act."WCBS-TV, citing an FBI agent, said five or six people jumped out of the windows. People screamed every time another person leaped..

*****

Charles to ertabios@aol.com: What I cant describe is how beautiful the day is in New York; clear skies, visibility all the way to the other side of wherever you think you are looking. // Or looking away.

*****

Charles to ertabios@aol.com: My friends Misko and Dubravka from Beograd write and I remember their emails when their city was under fire.

*****

Charles to ertabios@aol.com: I stop by the storefront hair salon of Andrew.He said he was going to stay open just because he thought people would want to have him there, standing in front of his shop.

*****

Charles to ertabios@aol.com: I keep turning on the TV to hear what I cant take in and what I already know. Over and over. I don't find the coverage comforting but addictive.

*****

Charles to ertabios@aol.com: This could not have happened. This hasn't happened. // This is happening.

*****

Does the moonlight shine on Paris

Oh and how can you just walk away

Is it something that I said

*****

Media to ertabios@aol.com: The search for answers was unflagging. The focus was on Islamic terrorist Osama bin Laden, who denied involvement, though he "thanked Almighty Allah and bowed before him when he heard this news" of the attacks.."We will go after them," Secretary of State Colin Powell vowed.

*****

Media to ertabios@aol.com: "I must have come across body parts by the thousands," said Angelo Otchy, a mortgage broker who came in with a National Guard unit from Dover, N.J. to help dig through the debris.

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Media to ertabios@aol.com: Thousands of dazed New Yorkers walked out of Manhattan on Tuesday across the Brooklyn Bridge. They couldn't help looking back at the two huge pillars of smoke

*****

Media to ertabios@aol.com: Eyewitnesses recalled seeing people jump from windows of the tower high in the sky Ñ including a man and a woman who held hands as they plunged to their deaths.

*****

Oh and how can you just walk away

Is it something that I said

I see only black and white

You see green and red

You believe in miracles

Water into wine

I believe when it makes the New York Times

*****

Lara to ertabios@aol.com: Has anyone heard from Bino?

ertabios@aol.com to Lara: Honey, have you called him (we so e-mail each other I don't even have a phone number)

Lara to ertabios@aol.com: Not sure I have it either, but phones are erratic, Ill try as soon as I get off line

ertabios@aol.com to Lara: lemme know please. Suddenly, Im scared

Lara to ertabios@aol.com: Eric is here, he says hi! He says Bino is in California

ertabios@aol.com to Lara: OH...THAT'S RIGHT!!!! He e-mailed me before he left! Ê// whew!

*****

David to ertabios@aol.com:

The policies of militarism pursued by the United States have resulted in millions of deaths, from the historic tragedy of the Indochina war, through the funding of death squads in Central America and Colombia, to the sanctions and air strikes against Iraq. This nation is the largest supplier of "conventional weapons" in the world - and those weapons fuel the starkest kind of terrorism from Indonesia to Africa. The early policy of support for armed resistance in Afghanistan resulted in the victory of the Taliban - and the creation of Osama Bin Laden.

Other nations have also engaged in these policies. We have, in years past, condemned the actions of the Russian government in areas such as Chechnya, the violence on both sides in the Middle East, and in the Balkans. But our nation must take responsibility for its own actions. Up until now we have felt safe within our borders. To wake on a clear cool day to find our largest city under siege reminds us that in a violent world, none are safe.

Let us seek an end of the militarism which has characterized this nation for decades. Let us seek a world in which security is gained through disarmament, international cooperation, and social justice - not through escalation and retaliation. We condemn without reservation attacks such as those which occurred today, which strike at thousands of civilians - may these profound tragedies remind us of the impact U.S. policies have had on other civilians in other lands. We are particularly aware of the fear which many people of Middle Eastern descent, living in this country, may feel at this time and urge special consideration for this community.

We are one world. We shall live in a state of fear and terror or we shall move toward a future in which we seek peaceful alternatives to conflict and a more just distribution of the world's resources. As we mourn the many lives lost, our hearts call out for reconciliation, not revenge.

*****

Laura to ertabios@aol.com: The real issue for me is what, as a poet, as a human, am I going to do now?

*****

I see only black and white

You see green and red

You believe in miracles

Water into wine

*****

Patrick to ertabios@aol.com: "give evil nothing to oppose and it will disappear"-- tao te ching

*****

Ertabios@aol.com to Joey, Barbara and Michelle:

Mahal kita...I know, that's basic Tagalog but...I do love you all...

Thank you for making my birthday special. I had celebrated it with family this weekend, but it was nice to have the actual birth-day with a loving group of people...particularly given the NY events which basically took up the rest of my day...as I told Michelle, if I hadn't had Kali scheduled last night, I would have had to go lookin' for a tough Ashtanga yoga class to soften the armor that had grown about my shoulders as I watched the NY events unfold.

Michelle, your Kali afterwords were profound and beautiful and music to the ears. Thank you...and the strawberries dipped in chocolate were, yah, DEFINITELY ME!

Joey--you're a gentlemanly host and thanks for the beautiful music. I did catch that you riffed off the lovely music I liked hearing in the car ride to Pro Arts...thank you. And thank you for the fish cheeks and eyes...and balot with garlic salt....

Barbara--as always, honey....everything: life itself can be a poem, if one is open.

The whole evening was poetry...and, undoubtedly, poems will follow soon...

Meanwhile, it's a new day....but 1 a.m. so that the stars write me as I write-this is for you all...as I, too, listen to it:

MOONLIGHT OVER PARIS--(sung by Vanessa Williams)

You say you've been overseas

I say over where

You say just a holiday

My Alsatian heir

I say I've been working late, working overtime

Haven't seen the sun since eighty-nine

Does the moonlight shine over Paris

After the sun goes down

If the London Bridge is falling

Will anybody hear a sound

If you follow the sunset will it ever end

Does the moonlight shine on Paris

Oh and how can you just walk away

Is it something that I said

I see only black and white

You see green and red

You believe in miracles

Water into wine

I believe when it makes the New York Times

Does the moonlight shine over Paris

After the sun goes down

If the London Bridge is falling

Will anybody hear a sound

If you follow the sunset will it ever end

Does the moonlight shine on Paris

Whenever I drive over the Bay Bridge after an evening with you all, the moonlight is always silver to my eyes...which is to say, the whole night sky over San Francisco shimmers like a white witch's gown ....

Love,

Eileen

EILEEN TABIOS is a poet, fiction writer, editor, critic and publisher. Her first poetry collection BEYOND LIFE SENTENCES received the Philippine National Book Award for Poetry. Her groundbreaking collection of poetry essays, BLACK LIGHTNING received a Witter Bynner Poetry Grant. Her edited collection of Jose Garcia Villa's poems, THE ANCHORED ANGEL received the PEN/Oakland Josephine Miles National Literary Award. She also co-edited BABAYLAN, the first American anthology of Filipina writers and recipient of a National Endowment of the Arts grant. Her forthcoming books include a collection of art essays and poetry titled MY ROMANCE. She is the only imprint editor for Kaya Press, a leading Asian American press based in New York, and recently founded Meritage Press, a multidisciplinary literary and arts press based in California. At www.MeritagePress.com, she features a monthly column highlighting current events in contemporary Filipino literature.